Well as we all know each day brings a new experience some of it surprising some expected. I knew that a day would come when my mother Rose would have to be placed in a facility because like most 90 year old people they require full time care. This is especially hard for me as I have lived with her since 1992 when I returned from the West Coast after giving up acting as a a career ( but not as a passion ). We have shared alot since then the untimely passings of my older brother Tony and my older sister Barbara. I completely renovated the house that she retired with my father in 1976. We changed from harvest gold kitchen appliances and 70's orange shag carpets to stainless steel kitchen appliances and sisal carpets ,windows with long drapery panels that gently lift from the floor as the breeze comes through the large new windows to neutral colored ,textured fabrics with abstract art on the walls and a beautiful new wood burning fireplace. I took over the care of the house and cooked delicious meals that we would enjoy in the new kitchen . I would host dinner parties and Rosie would hold court with my friends who loved her and treated her like a Queen bestowing her with gifts of chocolates and flowers. The biggest change was our relationship , I learned compassion ,patience ,empathy ,and the ability to love unconditionally . The pleasure of getting to know her as a person , a women , and in some respects a child. She loved when I would make her a Sunday and top it off with whip cream and a beautiful cherry " Hmmmmm ! " she exclaimed .. and like a child sitting at a soda fountain she would swing her legs and heartily consume the ice cream ,I would occasionally have to remind her to wipe her mouth. She would finish up slip off the stool and kiss me goodnite as I reminded her to brush her teeth . So are the responsibilities of caregiving to an elderly woman. So now she is living in her new residence eager to come home ,there is the rub, for now home to her is where she grew up with Mama and Pop and her six siblings who she believes are alive and well which is not the case ,save for her younger sister Ann . She asks how often I see Mama because now she thinks I am her brother and would I like to come upstairs and see the family and spend the nite . After all " We have an extra bed and I will be mad if you don't stay " " Ok we will talk about it later " It has been just a couple of weeks since this has happened and she was officially placed on Thursday Valentines Day.I spent the afternoon with her I brought her a beautiful little cake that looked like a pink present with giant pink icing bows and white polka dots. We attended the party in the hall and Roise let go of her walker and held both my hands and we danced in place,swing back and forth. " Tell Mama we danced she will be so happy to hear that " The house feels a bit empty and as I stand in her room looking at her stuffed bears and LLadro statues I miss her and feel the void in my life and the winds of change. I am so lucky to have had this time and to bring our relationship to a new place of love and calm.
Indeed it is. The holidays had me feeling anxious ,overwhelmed with too much to do. We all know that feeling.A couple of things worked well for me. 1) The upside of dementia.....Anyone caring for a 90 year old knows or will know the difficulty of memory loss.However this year it worked out well. I was going out to Christmas shop one evening for my Mom's present and she did not want to stay home so I took her along she saw and tried on all her gifts ,PJ's sweaters etc. . I had them beautifully wrapped and put them under the tree and alas on Christmas morning she opened them with genuine surprise and was so happy that everything fit and were exactly the colors she would have picked. 2) I got everything I would have liked...a first...though my brother in law pointed out that sending emails and catalog photos to all left little room for error. 3 ) Threw a small but perfectly detailed cocktail party for six close friends who have been a part of my long life. 4)Took off for Telluride Colorado with another group of friends who I love and enjoy immensley...bought a hot pair of ski pants,and today rose at 7 and was on the mountain for first tracks...there we were on top of See Forever trail and we did see forever...crusing down a beautifully groomed corduroy trail I thanked God for my good fortune and blessings, and for these incredible mountains,blue sky and cold winter air. God Bless all and best wishes for a loving ,healthy and creative New Year!!!!!!
It was a great holiday here at the Parisi house...I cooked for several days as everyone does, draped the table to the floor in iridescent orange silk with white topper ,gold chargers ,white & gold china ,with six white ballrooom chairs ,floral arrangement by yours truly white dalhias and soft orange mums. Stunning if I say so myself. Dinner was excellent with butternut squash soup ,turkey and trimings etc. The big competition was the dessert catagory ... my from scratch chocolate layer cake ( wink ,wink ) and Elaine's apple ,rhubarb pie with vodka crust .Goooood !!!!!!!!! Essentially a tie with the chocolate lovers on one side and fruit pie lovers on the other . Best laugh of the day John ,Elaine's boyfriend went down the hall to the powder room , I heard him talking to someone ,thought he was on the phone...I said Who's John talking to? Everyone listened and was a bit confused. "John who are you talking to?" " I can't figure how to turn the lights on !" Paul ( my brother-in-law) said " if you can't figure out how to turn the lights on and your asking yourself...your asking the wrong guy! Happy Thanksgiving to all !!!!!!
For the past two years I have been talking about learning how to surf. So at last the opportunity has presented itself. On this thursday nite at a silent auction at Lincoln Center at the annual Joan's Legacy Strolling Supper where my sister Barbara is honored for her work as an advocate to fight the stigma attached to lung cancer I won the bid for the surf board and a couple of hours of surfing lessons in the Hamptons next summer. This event is high on the who's who of the broadcasting community ,Barbara Walters , Brian Williams , Tom Brokaw ,Joan was Tom's assistance until her death. Barbara had introduced herself to Joan one morning at Sloan Kettering ,they were both waiting for treatment and Barbara had seen Joan sitting across the room looking very sad so she approached her to offer some kind words of support.Those words lead to a deep freindship though short lived as Joan passed fairly quick. So ...when I saw the surf board as a part of the auction, I bid ,then I got out bid....I placed another bid and let it sit....the kids encouraged me to keep an eye on the auction sheet so I could bid again if necessary ,I said no I would't bid again it's in your mothers hands she will guide me to the finish line and so she did...I won...Thanks Barbara. See you all at he beach.....Hugs , Moon Doggie
