Rod_Lamour's Xanga

A New Day

Mon, 18 Feb 2008 02:28:02 GMT

Well as we all know each day brings a new experience some of it surprising some expected. I knew that a day would come when my
mother Rose would have to be placed in a facility because like most 90 year old people they require full time care.
This is especially hard for me as I have lived with her since 1992 when I returned from the West Coast after giving up acting as a
a career ( but not as a passion ). We have shared alot since then the untimely passings of my older brother Tony and my older sister Barbara.
I completely renovated the house that she retired with my father in 1976. We changed from harvest gold kitchen appliances and 70's
orange shag carpets to stainless steel kitchen appliances and sisal carpets ,windows with long drapery panels that gently lift from the floor
as the breeze comes through the large new windows to neutral colored ,textured fabrics with abstract art on the walls and a beautiful
new wood burning fireplace.
I took over the care of the house and cooked delicious meals that we would enjoy in the new kitchen . I would host dinner parties
and Rosie would hold court with my friends who loved her and treated her like a Queen bestowing her with gifts of chocolates and flowers.
The biggest change was our relationship , I learned compassion ,patience ,empathy ,and the ability to love unconditionally . The
pleasure of getting to know her as a person , a women , and in some respects a child. She loved when I would make her a Sunday
and top it off with whip cream and a beautiful cherry " Hmmmmm ! " she exclaimed .. and like a child sitting at a soda fountain she
would swing her legs and heartily consume the ice cream ,I would occasionally have to remind her to wipe her mouth. She would
finish up slip off the stool and kiss me goodnite as I reminded her to brush her teeth . So are the responsibilities of caregiving to an
elderly woman.
So now she is living in her new residence eager to come home ,there is the rub, for now home to her is where she grew up
with Mama and Pop and her six siblings who she believes are alive and well which is not the case ,save for her younger sister
Ann . She asks how often I see Mama because now she thinks I am her brother and would I like to come upstairs and see the family
and spend the nite . After all " We have an extra bed and I will be mad if you don't stay " " Ok we will talk about it later "
It has been just a couple of weeks since this has happened and she was officially placed on Thursday Valentines Day.I spent
the afternoon with her I brought her a beautiful little cake that looked like a pink present with giant pink icing bows and white polka
dots.
We attended the party in the hall and Roise let go of her walker and held both my hands and we danced in place,swing back and forth.
" Tell Mama we danced she will be so happy to hear that "
The house feels a bit empty and as I stand in her room looking at her stuffed bears and LLadro statues I miss her and feel the void
in my life and the winds of change.
I am so lucky to have had this time and to bring our relationship to a new place of love and calm.

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL !!!!!!!

Tue, 01 Jan 2008 22:54:38 GMT

      Indeed it is. The holidays had me feeling anxious ,overwhelmed with too much to do.
We all know that feeling.A couple of things worked well for me.
       1) The upside of dementia.....Anyone caring for a 90 year old knows or will know the
difficulty of memory loss.However this year it worked out well.
        I was going out to Christmas shop one evening for my Mom's present and she did
not want to stay home so I took her along she saw and tried on all her gifts ,PJ's
sweaters etc. . I had them beautifully wrapped and put them under the tree and alas on
Christmas morning she opened them with genuine surprise and was so happy that
everything fit and were exactly the colors she would have picked.
       2) I got everything I would have liked...a first...though my brother in law
pointed out that sending emails and catalog photos to all left little room for
error.
      3 ) Threw a small but perfectly detailed cocktail party for six close
friends who have been a part of my long life.
      4)Took off for Telluride Colorado with another group of friends who
I love and enjoy immensley...bought a hot pair of ski pants,and today rose
at 7 and was on the mountain for first tracks...there we were on top of
See Forever trail and we did see forever...crusing down a beautifully
groomed corduroy trail I thanked God for my good fortune and blessings,
and for these incredible mountains,blue sky and cold winter air.
     God Bless all and best wishes for a loving ,healthy and creative New Year!!!!!!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING !!!!

Fri, 23 Nov 2007 12:21:07 GMT

It was a great holiday here at the Parisi house...I cooked for several days as everyone does,
draped the table to the floor in iridescent orange silk with white topper ,gold chargers ,white & gold
china ,with six white ballrooom chairs ,floral arrangement by yours truly white dalhias and
soft orange mums. Stunning if I say so myself.
Dinner was excellent with butternut squash soup ,turkey and trimings etc.
The big competition was the dessert catagory ... my from scratch chocolate layer cake ( wink ,wink )
and Elaine's apple ,rhubarb pie with vodka crust .Goooood !!!!!!!!!
Essentially a tie with the chocolate lovers on one side and fruit pie lovers on the other .
Best laugh of the day John ,Elaine's boyfriend went down the hall to the powder room , I heard
him talking to someone ,thought he was on the phone...I said Who's John talking to? Everyone
listened and was a bit confused. "John who are you talking to?" " I can't figure how to turn the lights
on !"
Paul ( my brother-in-law) said " if you can't figure out how to turn the lights on and your
asking yourself...your asking the wrong guy!
Happy Thanksgiving to all !!!!!!

SURFS UP !!!!!

Sun, 11 Nov 2007 12:46:59 GMT

For the past two years I have been talking about learning how to surf.
So at last the opportunity has presented itself.
On this thursday nite at a silent auction at Lincoln Center at the annual
Joan's Legacy Strolling Supper where my sister Barbara is honored for her work
as an advocate to fight the stigma attached to lung cancer I won the bid for
the surf board and a couple of hours of surfing lessons in the Hamptons next
summer.
This event is high on the who's who of the broadcasting community ,Barbara
Walters , Brian Williams , Tom Brokaw ,Joan was Tom's assistance until her
death.
Barbara had introduced herself to Joan one morning at Sloan Kettering ,they
were both waiting for treatment and Barbara had seen Joan sitting across the
room looking very sad so she approached her to offer some kind words of
support.Those words lead to a deep freindship though short lived as Joan
passed fairly quick.
So ...when I saw the surf board as a part of the auction, I bid ,then I
got out bid....I placed another bid and let it sit....the kids encouraged me
to keep an eye on the auction sheet so I could bid again if necessary ,I
said no I would't bid again it's in your mothers hands she will guide me
to the finish line and so she did...I won...Thanks Barbara.
See you all at he beach.....Hugs , Moon Doggie

THE GIRLS

Sun, 04 Mar 2007 14:26:58 GMT

It was another family gathering in Aspen Colorado all
were there. Paul ,Elaine ,Me ,the three girls Ali ,Marisa ,Laura.Missing
were my nephew Kieran our beloved Barbara and my brother Tony,Laura
and Kieran's dad.This of course would have been the way it would have been
if Tony and Barbara had not passed.Kieran was at culinary school.
These family outings can at times be trying but wonderfully rewarding.
It had snowed for four straight days and nights ,wonderful to be in and
look at but not my favorite kind of sking,too much work..I prefer the
blue sky ,bright sunshine and cold air as I glide down the mountain on
a fresh trail of groomed corduroy.
To the point... the girls. I am blessed to have three wonderful nieces.
All different ,all gifted ,all beautiful. Ali the oldest and prehaps the most con-
servative is successful in her own right . Having graduated law school some
eight years ago intially joined a corporate law firm earning big money and
then made a choice to become a Prosecuter for the city of San Diego,giving
up the big pay check to invest her self to a cause and work for the people
and like Elliot Ness fight crime and deal with the lowest element of society.
Marisa ,Ali's sister is about to become a Major in the Marines quite an
honor for a woman and is about to be a mother,a cause for celebration
this trip out to Aspen. Marisa has always had the most beautiful hair,dark,
shiney against her olive skin and deep brown eyes.
Laura , the apple of my eye and to me total perfection is a gifted intelligent
pretty girl who will someday be a signifigant writer. Her warmth and compasion
is inately her.
Three memories I have of the girls. Ali had the curliest hair as a child and
so reminded me of Pepermint Patty from the Charlie Brown comic strip,this is
a image that remains in my mind.
Marisa as a child sitting on the sofa at my parents house one Christmas
reaching up to me to pick her up and hold her in my arms. Her energy
so pure and the connection so complete that she will always be my Big Loaf.
Laura on our first meeting in London when she was just 4 months old broke
into tears and won my heart in an instant .
How lucky am I to have been so blessed with three such wonderful ladies
in my life. It is a good feeling to be their Uncle Joe.

Woof! Woof!

Mon, 12 Feb 2007 11:27:04 GMT

Speaking with Laura on saturday she was quite sad as Chelsea went to
doggie heaven on Friday nite. I am sure she will provide you with her
touching last hours.
The Chello was a great dog ,a true beauty and sparkling personality.
After my brother died ( Laura's dad) ,we would pack up the car every
summer and head to Cape Cod for a family vacation including Chelsea.
She gave us much to enjoy watching her run down the dock after
Laura and Kieran and diving head long into Mill Pond her ears
extended like the wings of a 747 ,airborne for a few precious moments
before plunging into the cool salt water and swimming to shore only to do it
all again. She was just having fun in the water like all the kids on the pond.
She loved her walks into town where she would benifit from all the
attention from people passing by and finishing the trip with a scoop of
ice cream from the local creamery.
I have a great photo of her right by my desk laying on Elaine's bed bundled in
the covers and the flat of her paw slightly out of focus ( Laura's work ).
Our memories of her will always be joyous.
Ciao Bella !

How Much Was The Ticket ?

Sun, 04 Feb 2007 14:01:46 GMT

It has been way to long since I've written and read other peoples blogs. Alot

Has been going on,principley caregiving to my soon to me 90 yr. old mother,Rose. It takes

alot of time ,compassion and patience all of which I am a bit short on.

Every now and then you have a moment where you reap a benifit,last nite

I had one of those.I had planned a movie outing with friends and of course Rosie

is included ,early show ,back to the house for pizza and a salad ,good red wine and

a roaring fire.Everyone was sleeping over so it was a pajama party .

I ordered the tickets early in the day,after making lunch for Rosie and I, sitting

at the kitchen island she asks what we will be seeing,I tell her she says " Good ,I

want to pay for my own ticket " That's ok Mom ,I got it " No I want to pay " How

much do I owe you ? Fifty cents ? I looked at her and I could see she was truly

serious,and looking at her I traveled back in time with her to that point in her life

when movies did really cost fifty cents for a ticket. It is a moment that I will

remember sweetly always. To journey back in time and recall a simpler time through

one small question ,is a wonderful gift ,a sharing that I will treasure.

Seton Hall University Fire

Mon, 20 Nov 2006 03:28:31 GMT

I am really not sure that this is the right platform for what I am writing about tonite but

it has not left my mind for several days.

Six years ago on a cold January night two Seton Hall University students set fire

( deliberately ) to a paper banner hanging in a lounge area of a student dorm ,the result,

a fire got out of control and three students died , fifty eight were injured . I know the family

of one of the boys that died.

After six years a plea bargin was reached ,reading about this in the Star Ledger

while picking up coffee the other morning ,I was apalled at the plea bargin ,though I

understood the difficulty of bringing this to trial and proving premeditation.

What shocked me the most was the photo of one of the boys smiling with

joy at the result . He so lacked any compassion ,remorse ,or saddness at the

result of his actions that night. I understand where this total lack of understaning comes

from as his mother and other family members obstructed justice by lying for him after the fire.

In order to make the plea bargin work charges against them had to be dropped.

I know that it is natural for a mother to protect their young ,but how can one live with themselves

knowing that their off spring had caused the death of three young boys .

So goes the values of our society , where OJ Simpson can prepare to write a book

talking about how he would have committed the murders if he had done it.

I am not religious but I am beginning to feel that an Eye for an Eye ,under

certain circumstances is prehaps the way to deal with some of this ,as the law certainly

fails to work at times like these.

Hopefully the sentance that these boys will recieve will be the full 5 years and not

permit the parole after 15 months ,and if there is justice it will be a hard prison so

as to wipe that smile from that boys face and raise his awareness and sense of

humanity.

My heart goes out to the families who have suffered these losses .

May those boys rest in peace.

Big Nite Out

Sun, 08 Oct 2006 11:26:09 GMT

So I have been invited to a small but important industry event at the prestigous

Lotus Club in Manhattan. The gentleman that had invited me has long been a

supporter of my design work and is pushing hard to get me above the radar.

The guest list was alot of important people to the industry but only about a dozen

interior designers and architects among the 70 guests.

Speaking with Christopher late in the afternoon of the dinner ,he tells me over the phone

that a white dress shirt is essential , " Oh , Christopher I have a dress shirt but not white ."

Joe ,"It's got to be white for the photography.." Oh ,Gees ! ..." Joe ,Go get one." " Ok ".

Not a big deal ,right , wrong I race across the street to Bloomingdales ,spend about an

hour looking for the right white shirt to fit my huge neck. That's the problem the stores

don't stock alot of 18 1/2 neck size shirts, not to mention my neck is large but disproportionate

to how large the body of the shirt is. A tent !

I call Seth ,Christopher's Vice -President ," Seth I can't find a white shirt ,and what color tie ? "

"I'll be right over " 45 minutes later...no white shirt ,no tie.

Off to Burberry's on 57th ,strike out ,Brioni ..yes! we find one $ 550.00 , " No ,I can't spend that

on a white dress shirt " Saks ! Let's go to Saks...Gees it's 5 o'clock...cocktails at 6:30...never

make it.

I find a sales girl at Saks, Carolin...she hunts until we find a shirt about a half hour..BINGO!!!

Now the tie ," red " says Seth ,I can't quite get my head around this white shirt .Black wool crepe

suit and red tie. Ringgggg ,Ringing!!!!! It's Christopher ," No not a red tie ,silver-gray, " Geesss..it's

5:45 " another 15 minutes and I am out on the street racing to the subway.

I get in the door turn on the shower full steam to get the wrinkles out of the new shirt ,no iron.

Calming down I undress walk in the bathroom..wheres the shirt ,I panic look in the tub there it

is floating face down in the tub , like Joe the writer in the opening scene in Sunset Blvd. in

Norma Desmonds swimming pool. " Jesus "

I frantically searh the closet for a hair dryer my friend Peggy left behind and begin drying

and blowing this thing dry on high. It worked..I shower, jump into my clothes and

dash into the subway and arrive at the Lotus Club ,enter cool as ice and grap a glass of Champaign.

It was a big nite a bit crazy but a big nite.

It's Dented !!!!

Sat, 26 Aug 2006 10:22:05 GMT

It was a beautiful day I was tooling about on my Vespa.Hither and Yon.

Turning onto Front Street in Red Bank,the old guy in front of me suddenly

stopped and tried to make an illegal left turn .I saw myself spread across the

trunk of his white Chrysler.

Without thinking I swerved to the right and jammed on the brakes,next thing

I was in mid-air. The back of the Vespa had left the pavement and I was

ejected like a villian in a Bond movie from the car .

The Vespa came crashing to the pavement and I was thrown clear of it.

Remarkably not a scratch on me ,but the scooter is badly dented and not running.

It looked so funny as it was being towed away on the huge flat bed they

had sent to carry her away. It still looked sweet to me sitting up there as the two

men strapping her in place laugh at the humor of the situation.

Prehaps my blog tag line should now read " I have a dented Vespa ,Do You ? "